beatz d nadtz

Do I really want a war???

Tonight, once again i sit down and starring out my monitor, feeling sad and really tired.... Not becoz of the work... My work never makes me feel this way. I really loves my work, here or there. I enjoy it much than to sit and doing nothing.

More and more... i silently thinks that i'm really a trouble maker, juz like my father used to say when i was a little girl. Do I often seems wants a war on my neighbourhood, whereever and whenever i go?
I don't want to be such a emotional girl like this, but i hardly can't hold my feelings when i'm feeling sad or hate something. I juz need to say it, need to express it somehow.
I can't do it at the Rembaka. Maybe I juz need to be calm, quite, feminine, so i can be received there. Maybe I juz need to be a doll, acting like i am a really ordinary young girl. I really try to be my self there... but i dunno why, it is so hard to understand them nor to make them understand me.

I think this short poems descript my feeling lately..., I wrote it few weeks ago...

Gamang hati seorang pejuang
Harap usai tak kunjung datang
Senyum kekasih menghibur duka
Memberi embun di kekeringan jiwa

Xmas seem so far far away... i'm juz hoping that there will be much work for me so i don't have time to count the days, don't have time to mark my calender... juz wanna work and having fun until the Xmas comes this year!!!
Right now... the only thing that cheers me up is my gathering with the friends i have.... I'm so lucky to have you all, guys....!!!

posted by Vanie at 7:34 PM